"It's like taking a nap on that little rug when you were in kindergarten."

13 Things I’ve NEVER Done!

Well, the “bucket list” is everywhere, and it’s a cool idea – those things you want to do before you kick the bucket.

I wanted to try something a bit different, and decided to make a list of those things that I’ve never done, and may not ever want to do.

**

1.  I was never “arrested” at the US-into-Canada border in the 80’s. Okay, my brother and I were “detained” until they realized we weren’t drug-dealing pimps. We did look kind of crazy, now that I look back on it.
Is it possible that ironicmom had something to do with our being detained, eh?

border crossing, Canada, US, roadblock

It might have looked like this!

2.  Climbed Mt. Everest – two great reasons for not doing this:
1) Too cold, and
2) The air gets a little thin up there; oh, yeah, I don’t like heights.

3.  I have never been “convicted” of a felony. See the movie Stripes with Bill Murray. When asked by the recruiter if he’s ever been convicted of a felony, he answers: “Convicted? Um, no!”

4.  Gone streaking – uh, hello, no way! As in running without any clothes on, usually at a big sporting event? Never found this to be a big thing on my “to do” list. EVER!

Streaker, rugby, naked guy

This is not gonna be me!

5.  Have never been on the Jerry Springer show. This may come as a surprise to some of you. Maybe it’s because I haven’t slept with my cousin, or didn’t have a first girlfriend who was actually a man! Ew, and double-ew!

6.  I haven’t ever won a big lottery jackpot. I was Freshly Pressed on WordPress.com, and that felt like the lottery, but that doesn’t really count, does it?

7.  Never have run for any elected office. Nope, not even in high school. Interesting. Hadn’t really thought about this till just now. Hmm, MJ Monaghan for Congress, MJ Monaghan for Senate … I think not!

MJ Monaghan, president, vote for MJ!

MJ for President! hehehe

8.  Haven’t ever had the need for rehab, so I said “… no, no, no.” Never gone to rehab. As much as I’d like to have the abs of “The Situation” I don’t think I’d like that crazy messed-up life.

9.  Famous “never”: Unlike most school children, I never laughed so hard that milk came through my nose. Strange, but oh so true.

10.  Unlike the singer, Charlene, I’ve never been to Nice or the Isle of Greece, but I have been to “me.” Now that, my friends is existential! hehe

11.   Unlike President Clinton, I have never smoked, eaten, or inhaled you-know-what. Haven’t ever had the desire to. Seems like I was having quite enough fun without any additional assistance!

12.  I’m coming clean: I never have seen any of the Chucky, Friday the 13th, or Saw movies. I am terrified by horror movies!
Just looking at the images below, creeps me out!

Chucky, Doll, movie, horror, scary  Friday the 13th, movie, horror, scary  Saw, movie, horror, scary

13.  Would you count Barry Manilow as a rock star? If not, then I’ve never been to a big-time rock concert. I may end up going to one someday, possibly, but it’s not on my must-do list.

**

That’s thirteen things I’ve never done.

What are some things you’ve never done, and never care to do??

Comments

  1. How refreshing to see this list in a world of bucket lists! On my non-bucket list I would add some of the things many people put on their bucket lists: no desire to jump out of a plane or bungee jump. Just not interested. We share a few things in common on here, but not all. ;) Aww, Barry Manilow was my first record ever. Never did see him live though.

    • I will admit it, my friend, I am still a big Barry fan. His Broadway album was a great one. He’s the biggest name I’ve seen live. Do you still have your record?

  2. Oh this is funny! Good job! What I don’t care to do is sky diving—no way in hell is that ever going to happen, especially since I don’t even fly anymore!!!!

    • Thank you, my friend. How have you been?

      In theory, I would like to sky dive, just don’t know if I could do it.

      Are you not flying by choice or by fear? I too, have a fear of flying.

  3. Hi,
    What a great idea, there are a lot of things that I would love to do, but I am far too chicken to try them. Things like hang gliding, jumping out of a plane, a whole list. :)
    I totally agree with most of your list, and reasons as well, except for the horror movies, I love these type of movies, you never fall asleep while watching these. :D

  4. I was a guest on Romper room once. Made Miss Nancy jump during the storytelling. Does that count?

    • “Romper, bomper, stomper boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me, do.”

      No way?? I always wanted to be on that show. You are SO lucky! Watched that show all the time. They saw “Michael” at play a lot, since that was a pretty popular name in my day.

  5. MJ this is a great twist on the bucket list! I’ve never woke up at another address from where I fell asleep. I don’t think that would be a pleasant experience. Something I actively avoid actually. :)

    • Kourtney, I am still laughing at your comment. That is too funny.

      How did you think that one up? You are one of the most creative minds I know! That would be a great story.

  6. I have never done any of the things on your list either…I’ll add the skydiving/bungee as well…
    I have never had piercings in body parts other than my earlobes. I have never [successfully] parallel parked.
    Great list!

    • Kindred spirit!

      I haven’t even pierced my ears.

      I enjoy parallel parking, actually. You just need some good instruction. It’s not as bad as you think, my friend!

  7. Judy Berman says:

    Loved your not-to-do list. I’m with you on most of them, especially the avoiding horror movie you mentioned. Very funny stuff, Michael.

  8. We share many of the same “never done, never care to do” items. I’m a lifelong drug-free girl myself, and I also share your disdain for horror movies. Other things I’ve never done and might never care to do: eat a hamburger, go on safari, smoke anything, wake up not remembering how I got somewhere or what I did the night before, climb ANYTHING. (Hiking is another story, but actual climbing holds zero appeal for me.)

    • We’re in total agreement, Dana, except for the hamburger! :)

      Interesting about the hiking. I feel the same way – I will hike as well, but could never climb. Way too scary.

  9. Unfortunately I have so many did do’s that I wish were had never done’s.

  10. Great list. We have much in common!

    I have never gotten a tattoo or a body piercing. It’s gotten so popular I figure that makes me rebellious.

  11. Well, that’s a novel thought… a Non-Bucket List. I find myself in agreement with Carl on this subject. And, with Annie too… although I must confess, I have been toying with the idea of getting a small dragon tattoo on my arm, for the last 60 years. When young, I was a Magician, and had a dragon decal on my magic box, under the words ‘The Great Theo’. I still have that box.

    • p.s. if you change your mind and run for President (of anything) I would suggest rethinking that photo on your campaign poster!

    • Ted, you have to get that tattoo with The Great Theo below it. You must. Especially since you have the box still.

      In terms of the campaign poster, I’m afraid you’re right – I will need a new picture! haha

  12. What a fun list! Um, I have to say I’ve done a few of those, but this makes me think of what I haven’t done. That’s kind of fun. Those horror movies? I’m so with you! I can’t even look at those pictures. Freeeeeaky.

  13. This is such a great idea for a post! I might adapt it for me one of these days….

    I’ve never had a drop of alcohol or smoked a cigarette (not unless second hand, cough, cough, smoke counts). And I never plan too.

    I also have to agree with airplane or bungee jumping, nor will I ever get a tattoo.

    hehe, Cheers!

    • You’ve lived a good, clean life, my friend. Keep it up. There’s nothing wrong with that.

      Bungee jumping seems a bit dangerous, for sure. Tattoo, I haven’t done yet, and I’m not sure I ever will. :)

  14. Never been up Mt. Everest and definitely *as i gasp for air* never will. Great MJ! :)

  15. Now, I’ve been thinking about my non-bucket list since yesterday………….I still don’t really know what would be on it, other than the usual don’t want to go to jail or run for political office. And, I think you’d make a much better candidate than the ones we have currently. :)

  16. prabat parimal says:

    1. Never taken a foto with a SLR camera.
    2. Never read Tolstoy’s War And Piece( In one life it can’t be read).
    3. Have never seen MJ Monaghan without his glasses.
    4. Have never mastered anything.
    5. Have never seen Jim Carry really serious.
    6. Never managed to complete watching ‘Charlie’s Angels’.
    7. Never seen a politician fulfilling his promise.
    8. Never gone to Mariana Trench.
    9. Never kissed in a public place( Though peed many times).
    10. Never gone to a Mosque or Synagogue.
    11. Have never proposed Wynona Ryder.
    12. Have never seen a ‘Dhobi’ (Washerman) using washing machine.
    13. Have never married twice.

    • I haven’t done some of those things either, Prabat.

      I should read War and Peace sometime.
      I’ve been wanting to watch all of Charlie’s Angels also.
      You will have to explain the ‘Dhobi’ using a washing machine.

      Good list, my friend.

  17. Further solidifying our writer BFF / Beaches / Thelma & Louise status:

    I’ve never done any of these things that you’ve never done.

    Wait: Is that a double negative that equals a positive? Hence, I’m actually saying I’ve done all the things you’ve never done?

    Or is it that I’ve done none of the things that you’ve never done?

    Crap. I’m so confused…

    I have come close to Jerry Springer. Far, far too close. But I can’t even tell that story until someone who shall remain nameless is dead. Seriously. And it’s one HELL of a story, one that would expose me to a whole new world of blog/book readers. It’s seriously that good…

    And I will be talking to my therapist about that Chucky pic. Thanks a lot.

    ;)

    • Okay WBFF, I want the story on coming close to Jerry Springer. If not, at least you should do a self-published e-book. Enquiring minds want to know this story!!

      Sorry about the Chucky pic. It totally creeps me out, too. You have no idea how much I loathe horror flicks. Seriously, I have NEVER been to one in a theater. EVER.

  18. I LOVE Barry! Alright, the secret it out. :D

    I’m so glad you haven’t been arrested or convicted of a felony. I can rest better at night now.

    This is a fabulous list. I want to see more people follow your lead.

  19. And all this time I thought you were a drug dealer and/or pimp. I used to think we had so much in common, but I guess not! :D

    • Well, Nate, I hit that fork in the road: It was drug dealer/pimp on one hand and average joe on the other. I hesitated, and took average joe!

      But, fear not, Nate, we still have everything else in common! :)

  20. A “Reverse Bucket List”! How amusing, Mike! You might want to consider the “not streaking” decision. Many of your followers might pay good money to see THAT one!

  21. “Monaghan, charming, fun, clever, creative and very impressive!” I loved it a lot & I’m have to figure out to make sure that +g thingy works for me. What a fun Saturday morn visit you turned out to be. Gonna have to return often now. (No warning intended there). Very best wishes to you and yours Michael. I’m @grammakaye on twitter.

    • Always a pleasure to have you on the blog, my friend. Any time I get the privilege of having Kaye here is a good day.

      Again, thank you so much for all your encouragement. I’m so glad you enjoy coming to read my crazy stuff.

  22. What a great list Mj. I am too scared of horror movies. :) But only thing I would love to do is to climb Mt. Everest.

  23. Great idea MJ and secretly very glad that you haven’t been convicted of a felony or arrested at the border. Although, both of those would make great blogs as well, but would limit your scenery from behind bars. Had you been to a rock concert, you couldn’t claim number 11. I think it happens vicariously. LOL.

  24. Wow! You’ve lived a pretty clean life. You would DIE if you knew half the things I have done ;)

    As an FYI, I’d vote for you if you decided to go into politics!

    • Jen, I want the deets on some of this stuff! hehe There better be a post coming out.

      Thanks for your vote, but I don’t think politics would be fun at all!

  25. I hope you hit the lottery jackpot someday! You’d make a great rich bastard!

  26. Inspirational topic Michael. I’ll answer with 13 things I have done, that I wish I hadn’t, sort of an “Almost Kicked The Bucket List.”

    1. We were a bunch of 12-13 year old boys, riding our bikes off of the top of a sandbank. Of course we would crash and fall off in the soft sand, but we’d get up and do it again. We’d fly 4-8 feet or so with each death-defying feat. A bunch of local girls showed up to watch, some real cuties.

    Now, being testosterone-powered males, we had to up the ante, of course. Progressively, the competition became more fierce. We were now going twice the distance by starting further and further back and building up more speed. I decided I’d clinch this victory, so I went back about 200 feet, up a substantial hill. It was all or nothing…it was almost nothing! I roared down the hill, flew off the edge and sailed through the air, E.T. style, all I needed was a full moon.

    Immediately upon leaving the edge of the top, I began to realize my error. The girls weren’t cheering, they were screaming. I think I may have as well. The rest is a blur.

    Days later, when I went back to measure, I had cleared 110 feet, real Evel Kenievel stuff. I don’t really recall the crash. The bicycle was totally destroyed. Of course, good friends, being what they are, all ran away, hoping my body would decompose and the buzzards would remove the evidence. Of course all the cuties ran away too.
    2. My roommate in the service used to play Barry Manilow all the time, does that count as a concert, or torture? Would Dick Cheney approve?

    3. A six-artery heart bypass, which I’ve mentioned elsewhere in Michael’s blog. I just wanted to add that I would have loved to have had a tattoo before the surgery that said, on my chest, “Open Other End.” I can hear the surgeon, “Hey, is this guy in here for a Colonoscopy?”

    4. Jumping out of a perfectly good airplane with a parachute on. Came within inches of a fence post one time and almost drowned another, and decided that maybe that wasn’t for me.

    5. Went through the ice on a pond while ice skating, not once, but twice. The second time my friends just watched (see “friends” above.) When I went through, I had to swim back to the hole in the ice, at first I couldn’t find it. I kept trying to climb up onto the ice, but kept sliding back in. Finally, I reached down and unlaced my skate and used it to hook into the ice and pull myself out.

    6. Sat through Napoleon Dynamite in it’s entirety.

    7. When I was seven, the neighbors put me on their horse for a nice little ride. The horse bolted and ran away with me hanging on. They finally found me three miles away. Now I don’t even like the term, “Horsing around.”

    8. Swam out into rough seas to rescue woman that was waving arms frantically. When I got to her, she was almost ready to go under for good. I brought her back to shore and the husband gave me a look that could kill, how dare I mess around with his wife out there?

    9. I’m a radio amateur (Ham). One time I volunteered to help work on an antenna system atop a 175′ (54 m) tower. Two of us went up, one above the other, I was the second one. When we get up there, the fellow above me (carrying most of the really heavy tools) says, “Oh, hey, did you know I’ve had three heart attacks? He died a few weeks later.

    10. During my military duty I was working on a high-powered radio transmitter. The safety interlock failed and I was shocked with 5,000 volts at one amp. The only thing that saved me was the circuit breaker kicked off and shut down the power. I still glow in the dark.

    11. I’ve eaten squid.

    12. I once dated a nymphomaniac. (see “friends” above)

    13. Attempted to run away from home when I was ten, but my Mom packed me a lunch and spoiled the moment.

    • Where to begin on this, Dennis??!!

      First, you have some friends who abandoned you several times. Except for the sweet, nymphomaniac hookup!

      Second, I loved Evel Knievel. My dad took me to the closed circuit viewing of the Snake River Canyon “Jump”!

      Third, why are you climbing that high up?

      Fourth, I still am amazed at the six-artery-bypass. That’s just crazy stuff, there!

  27. What a cool idea! Off the top of my head, there is not enough money in the world to make me bungee-jump. Or sky-dive. As for Barry, my favorite song in 7th grade was Mandy. I didn’t know anybody else had ever heard of “I’ve Never Been to Me.” I probably haven’t thought of that song in 25 or 30 years and now I can’t get it out of my head. LOL. So…thanks for that… :)

    • I’ve never been one to aggravate, or push buttons, but here you go, Jeannette:

      I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me

      Please lady, please, lady, don’t just walk away
      ‘Cause I have this need to tell you why I’m all alone today
      I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
      Won’t you share a part of a weary heart that has lived a million lies
      Oh I’ve been to Nice and the isle of Greece
      Where I sipped champagne on a yacht
      I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed ‘em what I’ve got
      I’ve been undressed by kings and I’ve seen some things
      That a woman ain’t s’posed to see

      I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me

Love to hear from you.

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