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Crazy Baby Names – You Named the Baby … What?!?!

crazy baby name, crying

You named me ... what?!?

We’re gonna talk about crazy baby names.

But first, let’s have a quick discussion about plagiarism.

Here’s what happened:

I started this post on Crazy Baby Names back on December 13, 2011.

A few months later, my blogging friend, Jim, at The Wordslinger, wrote his great post on Terrible Baby Names – March 27, 2012. He hits the lottery – well, Freshly Pressed status – with this most-excellent piece.

You see my dilemma? Jim removed some of my brain waves from a post I wrote back in December!

Yeah, you’re probably right, my friends – this would be impossible to prove in court! hehehe

But do be sure to stop by his post and leave a comment. He loves hearing from his audience, and in spite of 900+ comments, he’s replying to each and everyone! Right, Jim??

**

Back to CRAZY BABY NAMES

Happy crazy baby name

I just love my new name - "Darling"

You’ve either had a child, will be having a child, or know someone who had a child. Inevitably, there are two questions: 1) What is the sex of the baby?, and 2) What are you naming him or her?

So much time and effort is spent on picking that perfect baby name. And yet, sometimes when you hear what the final name is, you wonder what the parents were thinking. Better yet, were they thinking at all??

It’s even come down to this: At www.babynameguide.com, one can do a “morph search” where you can plug in your name and your significant other’s name and it will give you different baby names to choose from.

**

You do know that for boys, Wyllyum is the new William, and for girls, Ghennifyr is the new Jennifer, right?? Don’t even get me started on the “new” spelling of baby names!

Here are some of my favorite crazy baby names:

Cinsere – Yep, having trouble spelling – just throw in whatever letter you want! The word is “sincere” people!

baby name Cinsere

I'm so a "Cinsere"!

Kryslyn – Krys for short. Why not have as many y’s as possible?

Tykley – Hmm … you want junior to be nicknamed Tike? Nice, if you want to rhyme with Spike Lee, also.

Irelynd – I’m Irish. Stop killing the language. It’s Ireland. Forever!

Quinlyn – I actually kind of like this. Change a boy’s name to a girl’s, by adding the ‘y’. Cutesy.

McKaty – Usually a girl’s name, but Mc means “son of.” Well played parents. Well played!

Dickson – seriously?? Just put a “kick me” sign on your kid before sending them to school.

Mesheghan – wow! You couldn’t just spell ‘Michigan’, correctly?

Nasaya – sounds way too much like “naysayer” – one who denies or opposes. Great way to start off your childhood.

Sayler – WTH! You couldn’t get more creative than taking Sailor and changing a letter?

Vagenna – Doesn’t sound at all like … well, you know. Wish I was kidding on this one. Poster-name for bullying, unfortunately.

crazy baby name, vagenna

Do I look like a "Vagenna?" Really???

Whizdom – Oh my goodness. This one is probably the worst. Will the kid be nicknamed Whiz? Will Whiz have to take a wiz??

Mercaydez – This screams, “My parents flunked spelling in school, so I got this crazy-stupid name.”

Apostrophe-Killers – throw in an apostrophe to make it even more complicated. I could go on with a whole post about ridiculous names with apostrophes. Example, “Say’Yonce” – you wanted Beyonce but had too much epidural anesthesia during the delivery that you couldn’t focus.

Ethereal names – Love me some of these: Delicious, Beautiful, Heaven, Precious, Angel, Dream, Cloud, Dynasy, Puff, Frost. You get the idea.

Totally Made Up Names – you couldn’t just go with a real name like Bill or Susan, you didn’t want to change a name by throwing in a ‘y’ or twisting a geographical name (Dacoda), and you couldn’t go with the whole crazy-apostrophe thing, so you made something up. Examples – Quawntavious, Kaeleahann, or Valeska.

**

The sky’s the limit with naming that little bundle of joy. You’ve got some great choices there. I just can’t wait to see your little “Precious” in his, or her, twenties when they give you some, um, “feedback” on how you did in coming up with that crazy baby name!

**

 Okay, let’s hear some of your great “crazy baby names” – real or made up!

Comments

  1. Whoo… those are some crazy names. The craziest I heard is “Malicea”… It seems the kid was a product of malice :p
    Another is caw…. that was a name… i mean, really people?

    Nice post.

  2. Hi,
    Unbelievable, you really have to feel sorry for the kids, imagine what some will go through when they get to school age.

  3. Meladjusted says:

    I know an unfortunate baby (now probably more than a decade young) named Treblinka. Sad, but true.

    I don’t have a foot to stand on though, I named my kids, ‘odd’ names amongst all the Isabellas, Sophies and Jacks and Tylers. I have had difficulty conforming and have poxed my children with spelling nightmares, I’m calling it a ‘Revenge’ – they’re not showing any signs of distress yet, will continue turning the screws in other small ways – it’s my Selfish Legacy, as it were….

  4. 35 years of classroom rosters I’ve seen them all. Certain ethnicities have a propensity to invent names – it’s just crazy

    • I can’t imagine what you’ve seen over the years, Carl. Would love to have been in some of those classrooms when you read the rosters.

    • Certain ethnicities have a propensity or tendency or inclination to be uninventive. It’s not crazy but at least sad or may be even poor.

      • I’m not sure about uninventive. Maybe with baby names, perhaps, but it’s probably not a true stereotype that one ethnicity or race is more or less creative, smart, funny, or any other attribute, than another. It’s all about what people expose themselves to.

  5. It’s all the celebrities fault! They started it :P
    Great post :)

  6. oh dear- Vagenna is the WORST!

  7. Judy Berman says:

    Mesheghan – sounds too much like ‘meshugeneh’ (Yiddish for crazy or eccentric). Nope wouldn’t want to be saddled with that. I agree with Carl D’Agostino’s post. In 8 years of teaching, I’ve seen some really unique names, some that make me wonder – like you – what their parents were thinking. Well done, Michael.

  8. Love the names you shared! Are they not waiting until the mom is off the pain medication before they allow the naming to commence?

  9. Jennifer says:

    To the next generation – give your kids a ‘normal’ name. Old fashioned is coming back coz these kids with crazy weird arse names don’t want their kids saddled with the same crap name. I have what would be a normal name, but the 15-18 yr olds serving me coffee etc ask how to spell it – you should see some of the spellings I’ve seen. And all because they are brought up with some strange spelling of a nice name (that no one knows how to pronounce anyway)

    • Thankfully, there are a lot of hipster parents who are going back to some of the older, normal names!

      I love your story about the coffee shop people asking how to spell a name. That’s the way it is today. Dang whipper-snappers! :)

    • hm… who defines what is normal? And what makes you believe your name is normal? Because today many people use it?

      The name Jennifer is a Cornish variant of Guinevere / Gwenhwyfar.
      [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jennifer_%28given_name%29|

      I imagine some people in the 18th century thinking that the newly wrong spelled “Jennifer” was a “crap name” and people should stick to the normal old fashioned Guinevere.

      And may be those “wrong spelled crap names” today will be normal in a century or so.

      As far as I understood, the english Dictionary states “Jennifer” and “Jenifer” as both equall written alternativ forms.
      [http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Jenifer]

      Out of this perspective, the girl was absolutely right about asking how to write your name.

      Sometimes we go to comfortable with this little cosy feeling that we do understand and belong to that thing called “normality”, don’t we.

      Please open your minds and sharpen your argumentations.
      (excuse my bad english, it’s not my native language)

      • I can certainly appreciate your points, Geri.

        There probably are a lot of trails that names take before we ended up settling on a certain spelling. And there really is no “normal” is there?

        Thank you for opening our minds and giving us some things to think about.

  10. I still can’t get over the fact that a celebrity named her daughter Apple.

  11. Love it! Sorry for stealing your “intellectual property” my friend. And yes, i fully intend to answer the comments, though having topped 1000, I can’t give an accurate time frame for when that may happen.

    As far as baby names go, you wouldn’t believe some of the stuff my readers have left in their comments, hilarious. Here’s one for you, parents combining their names to make a new baby name. My Aunt has two friends, Anthony and Shannon. Their darling little one? You guessed it…Shanthony.

    • Love your post, big guy! Super-congrats on hitting the big time! Just a matter of time before it happened.

      I LOVED Shanthony. My only question is – girl or boy?

  12. >He loves hearing from his audience, and in spite of 900+ comments, he’s replying to each and everyone! Right, Jim??
    – And THERE’S the secret to the continued success of your spiked Stats, MJ!. You’re a real person in the ethereal world. Good for you! And all of us!

    >and you couldn’t go with the whole crazy-apostrophe thing, so you made something up. Examples – Quawntavious, Kaeleahann, or Valeska.
    – BFF Two has a friend named Valeska! For realsies!

    My comment will not HTML through, but I’m going to paste the proof from my Sent folder nevertheless

    To: “Valeska L****”

    I’m gonna tell Valeska what you said about her, MJ. Yes, her, not her name. Oh yeah, I’m gonna stir it up nice and good. Hee hee!

    Kate

    • WP swallowed up her link even though I broke it up.

      One more try.

      To: “Valeska L****”

    • - And THERE’S the secret to the continued success of your spiked Stats, MJ!. You’re a real person in the ethereal world. Good for you! And all of us!
      * Stop, Kate, you’re giving me a big head! Okay, go on just a LITTLE longer!! :)

      – BFF Two has a friend named Valeska! For realsies!
      *Uh-oh, could be a lawsuit. I promise, your honor, I didn’t know! *he begs for leniency*

      – I’m gonna tell Valeska what you said about her, MJ. Yes, her, not her name. Oh yeah, I’m gonna stir it up nice and good. Hee hee!
      * Why does it not surprise me that Kate would stir things up!! hehe

  13. I know someone who named their baby Redwood because she was conceived underneath that type of tree. It’s like parents WANT their kids to hate them.

    • Oh my gosh – Redwood! I’m kind of loving that one.

      But was this a boy or girl? And you’re right – it’s gonna be tough for that kid for a while.

  14. I knew a Jonathon Apple, and if you think that is coincidence, he had a brother MacIntosh and a sister named Delicious. Great post, mj!

  15. How about Love Symbols aka Prince?

    • Symbols are interesting, but would be difficult for teachers calling out the student in class.

      In Jim’s post, he mentions ‘&’. That would be a cool name! :)

  16. Actually most of the silly name I came across in my part of the world are self inflicted. Its common to have a Chinese name and an English version based on the pinyin (ie sounding out the name) but not an actual English name per se at birth. When the children grow up in this global city and start having more and more friends, colleagues, clients who have difficulty with their names, they give themselves an “English” name, sometimes ridiculous ones. Any day of the week or name of month is fair game so on top of the usual “June”, April” etc you also have October and December and Wednesday.

    It is also not uncommon to just pick a word from their chinese name and use the literal English translation of it, sometimes with odd grammar. Like “Winters”, yes with the “s”.

    Also, riding on your crazy spelling theme are tonnes of people trying to make their names cool by replacing “i”s with “y”s and vice versa. Not too terrible if you don’t go too far with it actually.

    There are also of course perfectly legitimate names in the original languages that could sound wrong in English. Like a fairly common Indian name is Pretti. Good thing the only Pretti I know is indeed rather pretty. But I can just imagine what a terrible time she would have growing up if she is not. Not that I endorse judging people based on their looks but kids and even many adults do tend to do that.

    • Elaine, I have known many Chinese over the years, and have loved their practice of naming after the months of the year. I can’t tell you how many ‘May’s I know. I love that name. I have only seen a few with days of the week, though.

      The odd grammar is kind of interesting, as you noted.

      Yes, and why would someone name someone a descriptor? Would be a lot to live up to, wouldn’t it.

  17. Perhaps in the future it’s going to be shameful IF you don’t have a crazy name. Davids and Sarahs and Lindas are going to have to skulk around, maybe even get tats that say, “Call me Mxlyd” (or something with no vowels.) I pity the child with a name that only uses letters…why not symbols, too, like our passcodes (and at least one character MUST be capitalized). Sorry you didn’t get pressed. Here’s a hug.

    • Barb, that is too funny about the passwords: At least one character must be capitalized!

      You’re right that normal-named people will be the oddity in the future. “Oh, you’re a ‘David’, that’s so sad that they named you something so simple.” hehehe

  18. I have heard of a Placenta and a Lasagne. I can’t confirm that they are real, I just hope they are :)

    • Meladjusted says:

      on that note I can confirm that there’s a kid wondering around called Fully Dilated – that’s according to the local breast feeding clinic – on the birth certificate, correctly spelled and everything!

    • I have heard that Placenta is real. I love Lasagne, so that would be a very cool name! :)

  19. mj – great post as ever and it has made me laugh out loud clever man x

  20. Fully Dilated! That is hysterical! I have heard of Hub Cap. That is by far my favorite. I will never forget it. Great job getting lots of comments yourself!

  21. Is it too late to change my kids’ names to Dickson and Vagenna? I’m sure, at almost 6 and almost 2, they are not connected to their names, really.

  22. Mikalee.

    ‘Nuff said…

    ;)

  23. I am sorry but Dick or Randy always crack me up (yes i am very immature :P)

    MJ I am having a little contest over at my blog and it will be so awesome if you took part because I love your posts! http://riatarded.wordpress.com/2012/03/29/the-uninspired-chronicles/

    Also, please help to spread the word :D Thank you!

    • Funny, I almost put Dick and Randy into this post. Those are fine choices, as well!

      I will saunter over to your blog and check out your contest, my friend!

  24. I have yet to read Jim’s version, but I’m sure it blows compared to yours!
    Just kidding…
    Seriously, though, you have mad skills my longtime friend.

    • Good point, Sr. Hook – Jim’s does blow compared to mine! Are you reading this, Jim??

      No, his was a great read, really.

      Thanks for the props, my friend. Can’t wait to read your book! The “Hook Book.”

  25. I see your dilemma, MJ. Who does Jim think he is, stealing all that FP thunder? ;)

    Sshh– Here’s a secret: I read his post and was internally offended because one of the listed names– Wednesday– is the real name of my sister. Therefore, I prefer your post a hundred-fold. :)

    • I know, right Dana??

      Thank you so much for the support, and loyalty!! So much-appreciated!

      I actually like the name Wednesday.

      I hope everyone reads your blog. Your recent posts about your grandfather have been so touching.

      • Thanks, MJ. Given our supremely Catholic roots, when my sister was born on an Ash Wednesday, my parents didn’t hesitate to name her Ashley Wednesday. (She goes by Wednesday, though.)

  26. I’ve always enjoyed this topic, it is rich with material to work with.

    A school-teacher friend of mine was enrolling new students for the fall. She had a number of parents where English is the second language (it’s my first, but you’d hardly know it!)

    One mother showed up to register her son. They were from some middle-eastern country. The teacher asked the kids name and mom replied: “Sh*thead.” She pronounced it “Sheeteed,” but the spelling presented a slight problem. I think they ended up working with a middle name, or maybe a synonym, like “Manure” or something.

    A childhood friend of my wife was at a party a few years ago and was telling me about when his wife was giving birth to their first child. His last name is “Debate.” He was hoping for a boy and that his wife would be unconscious for a time, so he could name the child. Of course he wanted to name him, “Lincoln-Douglas.” At least he didn’t choose “Political,” “Presidential, “ or maybe “2012 Candidates” for a name.

    I’ve worked with some interesting names, “Mary Christmas,” “Richard Nixon,” “Harry Wang,” and “Sue Mei,” to name a few.

    Sometimes we name our kids with a strange name and hope for the best. My daughter’s name is “Áine,” pronounced just like “Tanya,” without the “T.” More often than not strangers mangle it with things sounding like the state of Maine, without the “M,” or “Ainee,” sounding like “Ain-Knee.” The good news is, she loves the name. She ended up the valedictorian of the countries largest academy, Pinkerton Academy, and it was a riot to watch all the dignitaries struggle with that one. There was only one Áine in the entire school, and the kids never had any trouble with it. Incidentally, I have a bunch of Irish cousins by that name and loved it, that’s how she ended up with it. It is a very Irish name.

    I was named “Dennis,” because my mother was from Belfast Ireland and I was born on St. Patrick’s Day, March 17th. Yeah, I know, you’re thinking, “What was wrong with that woman, she didn’t name him Patrick?” We grew up in a very Italian neighborhood, and she didn’t want me called “Pat” by everyone. For some reason there were lots of Italians with that name.

    Michael, you’ve started something (once again, did you get in fights in grammar school?) Speaking of “Michael,” another “Michael” story: A few years ago, when I was about 600 miles into my Appalachian Trail, I had to take 300 days off for a six-artery heart-bypass operation (I didn’t know it, but that is as many as you can have). Going into surgery, I was telling the anesthesiologist about a friend that had an operation, not as severe as what I was facing, but she was going to be out for a while. When she awoke, she was immediately aware of where she was, unlike myself. She and her husband are BIG Godfather movie fans and so to yank her husband’s chain, the first thing she said to him was, “Where’s Michael.” (you had to see the movie). I was unable to finish my story before I was under.

    One of the side-effects of anesthesia is one will often come to and continue a story they were telling as they went under. The first thing I said to the nurse in the ICU recovery area was, “Where’s Michael?” She rushed out to the waiting room to find Michael. She couldn’t find anyone named Michael, thank goodness. As I became more aware I asked to see my wife and the nurse went back out and got her. The nurse asked me who Michael is. Of course everyone here would know that answer! To read the full story on this one, see my book, THREE HUNDRED ZEROES.

    Gee Michael, that was my short answer! Glad I didn’t go with the long version?

    • I totally would have pronounced Aine’s name correctly. It is a great Irish name!

      Funny you mentioned Dennis, Dennis. That’s what my uncle’s name is. And I’m not sure why he was named Dennis, now that you mention it.

      Love the “Michael” story, and yes, I’m familiar with the Godfather reference.

      Your long, or short version answers are always welcome, my friend!

  27. And people questioned why I gave my eldest daughter ‘a boy’s name.’ ;-)

  28. Fantastic post, MJ. You had me cracking up all the down to the comment box. No crazy names for my kids. Short and simple. Forever classic. :)

  29. The most atrocious morphed name that immediately comes to mind is that of Renesmee of Breaking Dawn fame. As if Bella and Edward weren’t sickening enough in their love, they had to give into that silly trend!

    • You got that right, Jeri. That name is pretty bad!

      And I must say, I’m a hopeless romantic, but I have a LOT of trouble with the whole Bella and Edward thing!

  30. When I chose my kids names, I tried to find something different, so I picked Kelly for my son, and Courtney for my daughter. I knew that most girls were named Kelly but had no idea there were boys named Courtney! Although the only Courtney I had known was from my college days, it became a very popular name. Two of her friends are named Courtney!

    • Those are great names. Courtney is more a girl’s name, but I understand what she’s going through.

      We named our son after a sergeant (his last name) I knew in the AF. No sooner had we named him than all kinds of girls popped up with the same name. It was brutal for him all the way through high school. We actually had it legally changed after his junior year. I still feel bad about it, but how could we have known? Right?

  31. God bless my future daughter… who will now HAVE to be named Whizdom. I’m thinking Cheeze for a middle name, but it could be too fancy.

  32. Love this post “MJ.” you do hear some unusual names at school. Lots of them

  33. This one is a really funny post Mj. :) I can tell you some really funny names, but the problem is that they are not in English. As the names are in either in local languages or Hindi or Sanskrit.

    • So do people name their kids odd names in your country as well? By that I mean, are the names unusual and out of context for your culture, as they are in the American culture?

  34. Ok, now I don’t feel bad about my new grandsons name. For some reason, my daughter named him Zia.

  35. oh how awful! I thought parents were supposed to love their children? !

  36. I had a family on my newspaper route once whose last name was “Kane.” They named a daughter “Candy.”

    A family we know named their son “Brian” but spelled it “Brienne.” They named another son “Ryan” but spelled it “Rienne.” Really original but really short-sighted. Imagine their teachers’ confusion when they learned that a girl on their roster was actually a boy.

    While today “cutsie” spellings and variants are the norm, I’m convinced that many “unique” names in the past were due to the fact that the parents didn’t know how to spell the name they actually intended.

    • Candy Kane – how “sweet!”

      I just don’t get the weird spellings. How long till the kid figures out how to spell it when it doesn’t jive with proper English?

    • I don’t think it is quite fair to call people short-sighted. Out of a very historical perspective the biggest variety of today commonly given names are a big amount of variations on traditional names. If people would have thought always so conservatively, all these names wouldn’t exits today. Look at your name John. Your original name should be Jochanan but unfortunately some short sighted romans transformed into Iohannes, by the time some short sighted illiterated Anglo-Saxons transformed it into John. All these people could have kept the original Version, they didn’t. And that’s good! Because the world needs people that do change, evolve and are not scared of changes. I like your name John! and to finish my thoughts about your comment on Brienne.
      John Brian (that’s how you would write it today) was King of Jerusalem.
      His original Name by then was Jochanan de Brienne (* um 1169/74; † 1237) [http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brienne], out of this perspective this whole post is “ridicule”. (Excuse my english if i have written many mistakes, english is not my first language).

      • Thank you for the etymology of the name John – that’s very interesting info, Geri.

        I think what John was referring to, was that in general, it can be a burden to be saddled with a name that lends to ridicule, bullying, etc. This unfortunately has been proven out time and time again in schools.

        Do appreciate your opinion, my friend.

  37. Okay. Vagenna is just plain cruel and I agree with you about the name Ireland, of course that is my daughter’s name and I did not screw with the spelling. My son’s name is Justice and I also did not screw with that.

  38. Gee Geri, all this time I thought his name was MJ!

    • Hey Dennis, how have you been my friend?

      I’ve been out of the blogging world for too many days. Good to see your name here. Hope all is well.

      • Sorry I haven’t been around much lately, too many things taking up my time! I do read your blog often, but then run off. Good stuff here.

        I thought retirement was sitting on the porch, watching the grass grow. No way! I’m busier than ever. I can’t complain though, being an author is fun and gratifying. I’m meeting so many wonderful and interesting people and having all sorts of new experiences.

        Keep up the good work MJ.

        Dennis

  39. Melanie Goldstein says:

    I was working as a waitress at this birthday party in the restaurant I work at, and the birthday kid’s name was Tahllyulah(Tallulah). The entire time the mom was thanking the other moms for coming, I was just staring at her in disbelief.

  40. I know someone who named their baby bathory brunhilda duda lamb gilmore

  41. and these are some names of people i went to school with …… hary and gary balls
    timothy burr… aka tim burr
    ripass is a common last name
    richard long was one and as he was called for sporting events he was announced as “long dick”
    and my podiatrist is named donald duck

  42. i know a reuger and gunner and i bet if a little sister comes along she will be named beretta

  43. Thanks for the link up, Mel!

Trackbacks

  1. […] a number of references and also some friendly rivalry between two of the bloggers I avidly read, mj monaghan and sportsjim – The Wordslinger have covered the ground of ‘Crazy Baby Names’. […]

  2. […] Crazy Baby Names – You Named the Baby … What?!?! (mjmonaghan.com) […]

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