"It's like taking a nap on that little rug when you were in kindergarten."

Oil and Water & Chocolate and Peanut Butter Relationship

On being in a relationship:

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way …”

Though perhaps not Dickens’ intent, he sums up what it’s like to be in a relationship with such intricacy and superlative in A Tale of Two Cities.

A Tale of Two Cities, Dickens, relationship

MLB and I have been married for 25+ years. And much like that quote, we have had uber-fantastic times in this relationship, as well as very down periods. Fortunately, the good far outweigh the bad.

I must confess, in this very stream-of-consciousness psycho-babbling dissertation, that some of the frustrations have come about due to my instigation.

You see, I’m like that teenage boy who sits, in the classroom, behind the girl he likes. I just can’t help myself because I like her; I REALLY like her. The problem is that in my sense of relationship, I think she actually wants to have her pony-tail pulled. Since I think it’s cute, she should think it’s cute. Right??

Unfortunately, most girls (okay, women), don’t like to have their hair pulled, being tickled, etc. So during those times it’s much like this:

Relationship, oil and water

They don't mix too well!

No matter how hard I try to placate, annoy, tease, and irritate – in a loving way, of course! – it just doesn’t work. Just like oil never mixes with water, no matter how hard you shake it, so goes the mixing in our relationship in these type of situations!

On the other hand, there are those times when I take the mature, adult path – albeit, probably not often enough, if you ask MLB.

When I’m the romantic, look-into-her-eyes person she would like me to be, the relationship is like the old 70’s and 80’s Reese’s peanut butter cup commercials.

You know the ones:
Two people, one eating peanut butter and one eating chocolate, collided. One person would exclaim, “You got your peanut butter in my chocolate!” and the other would exclaim, “You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!”. They would then sample the mixture and remark on the great taste, tying in with the slogan “Two great tastes that taste great together.” [from Wikipedia, my bible of knowledge, hehe].

Here’s the video link. Great vintage stuff, there!

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Commercial

And you know, now that I think about it, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are MLB’s all-time favorite candy.

Coincidence?? I think not!

MLB's favorite!!

I’m sure that no one else has experienced these “oil and water” or “chocolate and peanut butter” situations in their relationships!

If you have, please feel free to share;
with the rest of the class, that is!


  1. I’ll eat them if that’s all there is but the pb/choc ice cream does not get it with me.

  2. I would love to experience the Reeses Peanut butter cups tonight! You’re bringing some right?

  3. Cate Monaghan says:

    You definitely are peanut butter today. Thanks for acknowledging the dichotomy; it goes a long way! :)

    • Thanks, MLB. Always a pleasure to have you stop by the ol’ blog.

      Hmm, interesting that you stopped by on this particular post!!
      Coincidence?? I think not!!

  4. I had almost forgotten those Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup commercials! I think we all have elements of both types of relationships in our marriages!

  5. I think you need a “like” button. :) You sound just like my husband…maybe it’s a Monahan/Monaghan thing — that’s what I always chalk it up to, anyway.

    • I can’t get the darn “like” button to appear. Went to WP for support and got no answer. I really would “like” to have it back!

      Yeah, MLB will agree that it’s definitely a Monahan/Monaghan thing!! 😉

  6. Awwh this is so cute! I love the metaphors. Great post. :)
    P.S. the commercial is awesome! Athough I have to admit, I’m not a fan of peanut butter.

  7. MTM and I are utter opposites. I don’t know how we ended up being soul mates. But, we sure as heck like chocolate and peanut butter together. :)

  8. I’m SO having Boyfriend Brett read this post…

    He tickles me. SERIOUSLY tickles me. I’m a 38-year-old mother of 2…do I look like I’m 12?

    (Not to mention the fact that the physiological “reminders” of being a mother of 2 and tickling don’t mix either. You may have to be a chick to understand the nuance there, so I’m just leave it at that…)

    Anyhow, I guess I should just be grateful he doesn’t pull my hair…

    • Ooh, MLB is SO not reading your comment! You sound WAY too much like her.

      I do some of that myself and I’m, let’s just say, a lot older. Woops.

      I totally understand the nuances, BTW!

      Should I teach Brett how to pull hair?? hehe

      • Perhaps it’s because “MLB” and “MAB” are sisters from another mother. Just sayin’…

        And you’re not getting anywhere near Brett. You guys are each enough to handle individually — I can’t imagine you TOGETHER.


  9. My husband and I are like oil and water – he’s a die-hard city boy and I am the farmer’s daughter (or step-daughter). I would love some peanut butter cups right about now..my favorite snack of all time…and those little bitty mini (unwrapped) ones – the BEST.

    • Hmm, I haven’t had the minis. Is the PB and chocolate ratio still as good as the bigger cups? May have to check them out – but they’re so tiny! hehe

      Glad you and hubs are oil and water, city and country. Fantastic mix!

  10. Naomi Baltuck says:

    I love the analogies. But now you have me thinking about peanut butter cups! Great post, mj.

  11. MLB has my sympathy…

    Nice post, MJ.

  12. >You see, I’m like that teenage boy who sits, in the classroom, behind the girl he likes. I just can’t help myself because I like her; I REALLY like her.
    – Don’t grow up, MJ!

    >MLB and I have been married for 25+ years.
    – Congratulations to the both of you! No easy feat that.


  13. Jennifer says:

    hmm…. we’re a bit like that too, sometimes oil/water sometimes pb/choc…. now I hvae to go hunt out them down (they are not a regular thing here in Aus, or at least where we are).. :)

  14. Interesting analogy. I must say that the first time I tried Reeses it blew me away but the next few times I didn’t like them as much anymore – too sweet. Maybe those peanut butter and choc moments need to come only once in a while, because on a daily basis olive oil and balsamic vinegar (also imiscible) is much more practical.

    • Very interesting point about the Reese’s being too sweet when consumed too often and the correlation with relationships. I struggle with this internally myself.

      And I love your use of imiscible. I had to look that one up. You are very smart, my friend!

  15. “Crikey, Monaghan, don’t even get me started here, oops too late”
    * * *
    I have an oldest brother who is now a very old man and still thinks he is verbally ‘cute’. As a child his verbal teasing was such that he repeatedly burnt my heart to ashes, and every single time my heart would grow back, he would verbally incinerate it once again. (Not to even mention, the head tapping, finger poking into my shoulder, etc.)

    He thought himself clever and never thought himself ‘unkind’. I didn’t know this for decades because as an adult I chose to stay as far away from the likes of him and socialize little. Imagine that, he never could understand why I stayed away and my declinings of invitations hurt his feelings.
    * * *
    Brother got a wife. She is a dear woman. Under great pressure from my mother, we all travel to his home for EASTER weekend and dinner. Brother verbally teases, pulls his wife’s hair, taps her shoulder and is otherwise a total pain in the patoot to this very very dear woman. I am an adult but his particular brand of teasing reminds me of how many times as a child he verbally incinerated my heart. Finally I state my peace or unpeace or whatever. I flat out tell him.

    “I think you think you are being clever to (wife’s name), you are far from clever, it sounds cruel and berating to me. It sounds like you want to be ‘one up’ and she is on ‘put down’. Or is it you have great need to sustain her attention in any way possible? Should you and (wife’s name) ever divorce, she shall remain my sister and you will be my brother by blood only.”

    A long, awkward silence for everyone else, (I didn’t feel the least awkward about it) overtakes the room. The only time in my entire life my mother ever spoke up for me. “Your sister’s right you know”. His daughter, “Aunt Kaye makes a good point, Daddy.” His son “I’m not getting into all this, but you constantly pick on me Dad”

    I can’t quite recall, but I think we left the conversation right at that time. I can recall my sister-in-law smiling at me. My brother to his credit did not get defensive and leap into replies. I heard my brother got a little better about himself after that, not perfect, but better. I will never know that fully for myself because I never gave him many other family social or other social functions to prove himself to me. Maybe three other functions together at most. The man quite alienated me enough.
    * * *
    To my brother and sister-in-law’s credit they have been now been married for well over 50 years, perhaps closing in on 60 years. We talk on the phone every once in a while.
    * * *
    So Michael Monaghan, you got me started. You obviously LOVE your wife. Get a grip, man! I say work harder on the peanut butter & chocolate side and diminish the need to picky pick pick that is the oil and water part.
    * * *
    And then forgive me for being so an old lady who dishes advice solicited or unsolicited. I’m @grammakaye on twitter.

    • Kaye, thank you for sharing about your brother. I hope MLB doesn’t feel that I’ve put her down. That would definitely not be the intention. But you do bring up an excellent point.

      I will continue working harder on the PB and chocolate aspect of the relationship!

      Don’t worry about the advice. I’m always open to multiple points of view, my friend!

      • You are truly a sweetie Michael Monaghan ~ and I truly understand I unleased a very instantaneous reactionary soul blowing firestorm… my intentions weren’t to burn you at all and you understood that. Bless you and yours.

  16. MJ, are you kidding me? The BF and I drive each other nuts! Oil and water, chalk and cheese, aerosol cans near an open flame etc. etc.
    And that boy you described in the classroom? That’s him, thats my BF. He gets such a kick out of annoying me but like you said, we can’t help but like each other. I think relationships like these are the best because nobody ever gets bored. Don’t you think?

    Hmmm, I’m tempted to try Reese’s now. I’ve seen them in some shops but because they are imported, they are super-expensive. Maybe I’ll give ’em a go anyway… 😀

    • I agree with you, Nisha! I probably need a little more get-along-ness maybe, but I think there is such a distinct difference between men and women. I think the oil and water and the PB & chocolate are both necessary to some extent, as you say – or it could get boring.

      I LOVE the English expression “chalk and cheese.” One of my favorites!

      Let me know if you need a Reese’s care package. :)

  17. The Pirate Redbeard always tells people…. We’ve been married almost 20 years; more better than worse!

  18. Peanut butter makes the world go around. Chocolate makes it spin in happy bliss. Together? Well if there is a heaven, it’s inside the orange wrapper of a Reese’s peanut butter cup.

    I had the oil/water type of relationships though. I’m good with that. Happier with Reese’s than romance. And a little teasing is okay, just at the right time and in the right tone of voice. Tickling however, is never a good thing…. :)

  19. MJ- Congrats on 25+ years together!

    Thanks for the memories with that vintage commercial. I read a few of the comments under the video, and someone said, “who struts down the street with an open jar of peanut butter?” Haha– they got that one past me. It never occurred to me that it’s a bit unusual.

    I do have a problem with this post though. Now I want a PBC, and since it’s Easter, I really want one of those Reese’s eggs. Hmm… I’m in trouble.

    • Thank you, my friend! It’s gone by quickly.

      I saw that comment about strutting with PB – hilarious. Never thought about it, either.

      Okay, better get that PBC Easter egg!

  20. I think the only reason Kirk and I are together is we are so alike we hate each other. But love each other. We are PBC and O&V all in one!
    BTW, he loves PBC so much he believes, with every ounce of his soul, that Reece’s is trying to kill him.
    He also thinks Alan Alda is out to get him.
    God I love that man.

    • Love that first line, Laine! You nailed that for MLB and me, as well.

      Reese’s is trying to kill him – awesome!!

      Okay, I want to see a post on the Alan Alda situation – WHAT?!?!

  21. Love this post…oil and water may not mix but they can sit well in the same tube and can even stand a good shake up now and then…x

  22. I think every relationship benefits from differences– being too much the same would get old really fast, no?

    One of the great tragedies of discovering a dairy allergy is that I couldn’t indulge in Reese’s peanut butter cups anymore. :( The upside is that I discovered a DELICIOUS dairy-free chocolate peanut butter cup at a local store here– like Reese’s, only fresh, natural, raw, and organic. Another downside: each cup costs 5 freaking dollars! Another upside: it’s a treat worth savoring on occasion. :)

    • I love the sound of the dairy-free PBC’s. Five dollars, though? Wow. They better be great, Dana!

      You’re right about the differences in relationships, my friend! :)

  23. Does it mean the honeymoon is over if he eats all the PB cups, then looks hangdog and says, “I was just trying to help you with your diet.”? Actually my favorite relationship metaphor is ordering the most sinful chocolate thing on a menu and sharing the calories. Congratulations on getting the girl.

    • No, he was really trying to help you, of course!!

      I like the sharing the calories metaphor. Nothing wrong with sharing chocolate. If you ever get a chance, try the Sydney Sinful Sundae at Outback Steakhouse.

  24. I will go with “grape juice and yeast”. Together, under the right conditions and time, you get a nice vintage of wine.

  25. Hi MJ!

    Love this post and the peanut butter cup analogy. I think part of being in the best relationships is knowing that the other person is being annoying because they love you or are tolerating your annoyances for the same.


  26. Great post. You know how some people put ketchup on everything? That is my husband. I am everything and he is ketchup. No matter what my mood is or what is going on, he thinks the same ole ketchup is appropriate. It isn’t always.

    • Woops, Lorre, sounds like I may be ketchup, too. I think it’s definitely a guy thing. We have no discernment between what’s appropriate for different situations. Aren’t they all the same?? hehe

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