"It's like taking a nap on that little rug when you were in kindergarten."

Beneath the Sheet (or Sheets)

We were both feeling like tonight might be the night. No, I’m not referring to a new episode of Castle, or The Closer. I’ll let your imagination wander.

Why did there have to be 15 pillows on the bed? This is a question that has haunted man since the first cave bed had dozens of stones littering the headboard (was it called a head-stone, then?).

Pillows, bed, grey, shades

Does your bed look like this?

After removing the plethora of pillows, MLB and I pulled back the comforter. So fluffy, with a satin cover and down-filled pockets. The color was a light charcoal, with a hint of cream subtly woven through the top piece.

We liked luxury and the feel of a great material against the skin.

Layered beneath the comforter, was a smooth-as-butter 1,000 thread count, single ply sheet in a romantic shade of smoky quartz.

But it didn’t stop there.

Sheet number two was nestled next. What was happening? How many sheets does one need on a bed, I thought. But what a splendid taupe color it was.

Coordinated perfectly with the comforter and the top sheet, this was one of MLB’s nicest color groupings in the entire house. Had I been married to Martha Stewart all along?

I was feeling anxious. Ready to quench the burning desire that we both felt.

I ripped back the taupe sheet, and,

No, it couldn’t be. There was another sheet. In a platinum, this cotton layer was shimmery and slick to the touch, but quite comfortable.

Grey, sheet, sheets, shades

There were a lot of sheets.


The alarm clock droned in the background. I shook the cobwebs and realized I had been dreaming.

“Cate, I had the craziest dream.”

I described the bedding, the colors, and the sexual tension of the dream to her.

She interrupted me, “You just experienced Fifteen shades of grey.”


Well, what do you have to say about that? hehe


  1. Sounds like you were unpeeling the layers of a story in your mind with lots of symbolism. But maybe a cigar is just … nah.

  2. Tease.


    So has Cate read Fifty Shades of Grey? Just wondering…considering you’re in the LDR and all…

  3. HAHAAAA HAAHA HA! Ohhh that’s excellent mj!!! Might even be your best post yet!

  4. Shara M says:

    That was HILARIOUS ! wow.. I hope she hasn’t read that book !

    • Hi Shara, great to see you on the blog.

      I don’t think she’s read it, but I have to make sure. We’re about 500 miles apart at the moment, but talk every day, so I must ask her. :)

  5. sunshine says:

    You rascally rabbit…i mean, MJ! :)

  6. This post was perfection! Loved it!

  7. This is what happens when you get married. They want sheets on the mattress. I do have 2 pillows though. And my teddy bear.

  8. Hi,
    Loved the post, and it did bring on a smile. :) These are obviously the type of dreams you have when you are so far away from each other. :)

  9. Funny as hell!

    • Hey, thank you Ted. If I can make you laugh like that, I’m very satisfied. Hmm, maybe wrong choice of words. Anyway, you know what I mean. Big thanks, my friend.

  10. Jennifer says:

    oh the cheese in that video. Love that song, but man, it’s showing it’s age now. great post :)

  11. I knew it!

    At the very first line itself, I thought to myself, “MJ’s messing with us.”

    Thanks for the laugh. Although, reality is no laughing matter.


  12. LOL.

  13. Judy Berman says:

    You little devil, you. Made me laugh.

  14. Posts like this one are such fun to write, aren’t they? Very funny. :)

    • It’s amusing to take something so culturally popular (or should it be popularly cultural?) and spin it a different way. At least it’s amusing to some of us, hopefully. :)

  15. Hahahaha….this is too funny, mj! Love the last line! 😉

  16. Funny MJ. You missing your honey? :(

  17. Ooooh saucy MJ! Love it! Are you planning on reading ’15 shades of grey’?

    I would love to see a book review from you! LOL.

  18. I was waiting for the twist but didn’t figure it out until you delivered it– perfection! :)

  19. 50 shades of grey is quite the literary wonder hahahahaaha 😉

  20. A clever Bugeater you are… nice post, my friend!

  21. At least you had dreams with her in them.
    I must read this book everyone is talking about.

  22. HA! Hilarious. I love of a good punch line even more than an ‘obscene’ amount of pillows.

Love to hear from you.

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