"It's like taking a nap on that little rug when you were in kindergarten."

Guest Post Poser – The Interview

Guest Posts – we all love to read those quirky, interesting posts that pop up on our favorite blogs, don’t we??

guest post, mystery man

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Well, my goodness, it must be summer. Everyone’s going on vacation, enjoying a break from the action. I feel like I should be, too.

So, in order to take a much-needed respite from blogging,

I scoured the world,
looking for the kind of Guest Post
talent that you all appreciate.

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Here was my criteria:
Someone who is ACTUALLY funny.
These were my first thoughts: 

Main Street Musings? Too busy swimming at the country club.
My Chipmunk Friend
? Away at writing conferences, or Late Night shows.
The Maineiac? Drinking PBR and watching kids.
The Man with Half a Face? Answering outsourced 911 calls.
byronic man, half a face

——————————————————————–

That’s as far as I got.

Well, since I never asked any of the bloggers above to Guest Post – fear of rejection, of course – you’re stuck with Mystery Post-er and my BawBwa Walters-style interview. My apologies in advance.

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Question 1:
Why did you agree to answer these ten questions?
Answer 1:
It wasn’t the money, or the fame, or the exposure. This blog didn’t provide any of those three incentives. Um, now that I think about that … can we stop the interview now??

Question 2:
You are the producer for Saturday Night Live – you have three host options: John Candy, John Belushi, or Chris Farley. Who would you choose?
Answer 2:
I think I would go with … Bill Murray, for sure. [Ed. Note: That was not one of the choices!]

Bill Murray, guest post

Question 3:
You could be anybody, dead or alive, who would you want to be, and why?
Answer 3:
Any great artist who still has both ears and no depression issues, one of the presidents who doesn’t get shot, or a really good blogger.

Question 4:
Cold Stone ice cream, a nice trendy frozen yogurt with five toppings, or a strawberry daiquiri with an umbrella?
Answer 4:
How many “mix-ins” do I get with the Cold Stone?

Question 5:
What is the best thing about being human?
Answer 5:
That’s easy: Opposable thumbs, and winning the lottery!

Question 6:
Do you happen to have a real photo of yourself instead of the “mystery post-er” question mark picture at the beginning of this article?
Answer 6:
I actually brought along a few – sorry my style was so different in the photos, but you get the idea.

    

I’m really sorry about the mullet photo. I got a little too much sun that day, and might have been a little scared of the photographer. Maybe.

Question 7:
Sorry, lost it there for a second on that last picture.
What is your favorite Summer Olympics event?
Answer 7:
Definitely the hot dog eating. Just amazing how many they consume so quickly.

hot dog eating, guest post

Question 8:
What famous writer do you most identify with?
Answer 8:
Surely, that would have to be O. Henry. Which was really just the pen name of American writer William Sydney Porter. Who wouldn’t want a candy bar named after them. Look what the Baby Ruth did for Babe Ruth.

oh henry!, guest post

 

Question 9:
What is your name, sir?
Answer 9:
I don’t really want to give it out publicly like this. Let’s just say I’m a bigger name than … um, JK Rowling. Exactly!

Question 10:
The last question, before we put our loyal readers – before this post, anyway – minds to rest from this nonsense.
You become the president of Blogosvania. You can do two things, what do you do first?
Answer 10:
No-brainer: Outlaw fake, silly guest posts, like this.

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Are you having a productive summer?

Comments

  1. Yes! The first to respond for a change. I’ll respond more in a minute. Don’t want to lose my place. :)

  2. Well, every time I hit the subscribe button nothing happens – no confirmation email, nothing shows up in my reader, etc. Maybe I’m missing something? I’m pretty dim-witted, so it’s possible.

    “Bill Murray” is always the right answer.

    Oh, and I have a hunch that Half-face guy would be thrilled to do a guest-post. Call it a hunch.

    • I think I fixed it, B! Can you try it one more time? I missed a check box, apparently. Yeah, I’m not very smart. :)

      Love Bill Murray. I’ve probably seen Caddyshack at least 25 times. Yes, I’m very mature!

      We may have to get together on that guest post thing. I’ll hit you up on email in the next week or so.

  3. Okay, so it’s more than a minute later…but I was still the first one to comment. I think you should keep doing ‘fake, silly guest posts.’ They’re fun! You could interview Frankenstein, the headless horseman…the list is practically endless. :)

    The only problem is, you canNOT mention Cold Stone Creamery again. I’d never heard of them until last summer, but had to check them out when I did. OMGosh they make the most wonderful strawberry, banana smoothie (if you ask them to add a little orange juice)! And the closest one is about 30 minutes from here.

    • Hmm, I didn’t think about it as a recurring post theme. May have to do that periodically.

      Oh my goodness, I love Cold Stone. We have one about a mile and a half away from the house. A little TOO close! I love strawberry/banana smoothies, but haven’t had one there. May have to have one this weekend. Sorry, didn’t mean to rub it in. ;)

      Have you had Jamba Juice? They have an old smoothie called “Strawberry Dreamin’.” It is fabulous. You must try it if you have a JJ in town there.

      • You threw me there for a minute. I have friends who call me JJ.

        But yes, do try one of Cold Stone’s smoothies. Ask them to put just a little orange juice in it. I love it so much I’ve never gotten ice cream there. And I don’t mind that yours is less than two miles from your house. If there was one that close to me, I’d probably go broke. :)

        Looks like there is no Jamba Juice to be found in Michigan. I think we’re last on the list for good franchises. :)

  4. Of course I’m having a productive summer… bumper crop of tomatoes. I made 9 pints (more like between a pint and a quart) of roasted tomato sauce today. I made 8 pints on Tuesday. Every day I pick 25 to 35 lbs of tomatoes. I hate to mention all of the “normal” activity of a day… you’d just think I was bragging!

    • You are a true farm girl – canning and everything. That’s a LOT of tomatoes.

      And you would probably just make me tired hearing about all the chores you do on a daily basis. :)

  5. Visit Charleston. Bill Murray lives here. He owns a piece of the minor league baseball team, and you can often find him at the games. But, DO NOT talk to him, unless you are a young, pretty girl. He doesn’t like to be recognized.

    MTM also met him in the Mayor’s office once. They got along famously, because MTM acted unimpressed.

    • I’ve been a huge fan of Bill’s work going back to SNL days and even before that when some of the Second City (Chicago, but you already knew that) Theatre stuff was on TV.

      I didn’t know he lived in Charleston. Another reason to visit there. :)

      Very cool that MTM met him. I don’t get starstruck, but I wouldn’t mind meeting him.

  6. Fun post, mj.

  7. Love this MJ! I am laughing out loud at these very honest responses..right to the chance, no PC just answers. Oh. and of course the photos nearly had the coffee on the keyboard…hahahaha! I’m leaning towards the middle/man of mystery photo as my favorite. Productive Summer? Umm, define “productive”

  8. Those photos were very scary. It’s 7 am and I’m gulping down hot coffee…not a good combination, MJ.

    I loved this guest post, you should keep doing them. Once I was going to have one of my kids do a guest post, I still might.

    And I want to be clear, I don’t watch my kids WHILE drinking PBRs. I wait until my husband gets home, then grab a beer and jump in the pool fully clothed and cannonball-style. Anytime you need a guest post, I will be there. :D

    • Sorry about the coffee-gulping/spewing incident. I may have to make picture #3 my new gravatar.

      I may have to do another one of these. I’m dying for a D-Woww kid, guest post. Must have.

      Loving the image of cannonball-style, beer-in-hand pool jump. And thanks for “volunteering” on the guest post. That would be so fab! Your arm is twisted too badly, is it? :)

  9. Head down working at this end my friend…I am guessing that I know your mystery guest…but who am I to spoil the fun?? A happy summer to you and MLB xx

  10. MJ! I would never, could never, reject you! Especially if a mullet is in it for me!

    This was so great. I think you’ve finally met your match. ;)

  11. My gut is busted. The mullet pic gave it away. :)

  12. Judy Berman says:

    Many excellent questions. Many hysterical, deranged answers. Good one, Michael.

  13. Kricket says:

    Good Job, oh anonymous one! I was thinking it might have been your “invisible son” but I guess not. Maybe next time. Funny pics though. By the way I really like your new “mug shot”……the coffee mug, that is.

    • Hey Kricket, thanks for stopping by, my friend. Hope you and the family are well.

      Liking the pun on “mug shot.” Is that Steve guy influencing you??

  14. This takes illy to a new level, MJ!

  15. Ha! Too funny! I can’t get past the mayor of Blogsvania! Lol. We really need one. :-) You got my vote. And Chris Farley – my fave and gone wsy too soon.

    • Chris Farley was fantastic! One of the funniest guys, ever. Such a huge loss to comedy.

      Should we start a campaign for Blogosvania mayor? You can be my campaign manager, and take all the photos. hehehe

  16. That mullet pic! HA!
    I am having a very productive summer, in spite of my kids! :)
    How is your summer going?

    • Thanks, Lainie! Glad you’re trying to stay out of trouble. Don’t know how you do it all.

      Summer’s going well. Have had splendid whether here. Feeling for all the hot-weather peeps across the US who have been sweltering. Hope it hasn’t been to bad in NY. :)

  17. Heh, you never fail to make me laugh ;)

  18. Does the producer at SNL have the ability to recall comics from the dead? Handy talent to have.

  19. Nice post MJ. As for the productive summer, still waiting for it to arrive :)

  20. sunshine says:

    Man, what a interview…I had to leave and come back again. The 3 yearbook photos almost did me in and thank goodness, Bill Murray saved the day.
    We need more…more and more Mystery post-errrr!

  21. MJ, I could have sworn I already left a delightful and pithy comment here, but I don’t see it.

    As far as a famous author it would have to be Reese Witherspoon whose sharp pen and even sharper wit earned her the right to have the world’s best candy named after her.

  22. Hahaha! That mullet photo SLAYS ME! I’ll have to check out that yearbook yourself site. Looks like a fabulous way to pass a couple of hilarious hours. :)

    • Isn’t that hilarious? I NEVER had a mullet. I repeat, NEVER had a mullet. Somehow I avoided that hairstyle. Thank goodness.

      You HAVE to go to that site, Dana – it’s so much fun.

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