"It's like taking a nap on that little rug when you were in kindergarten."

Not So Favorite Body Part – We All Have One

I shudder to think what search terms this title will draw, but the topic is screaming, “Write about me!”

So … WTH!

We all have a body part or body parts that we aren’t happy with. Guys don’t seem to be quite as hung up on this, based on my experience, but they probably have at least one physical thing they would like to change.

body part, diagram, wiki

It says ‘penis’ for the guy,
but ‘groin’ for the girl??

As your mind wanders,
I begin the description of my least favorite body part:

1) It protrudes ominously when looking at it in side view.
2) This part is difficult to cover effectively.
3) Men usually prefer them shorter, rather than longer.
4) Of all the body parts, it’s the one most easily broken.

Yes, it’s the nose.

You see, I have a proboscis that makes Jimmy Durante’s look normal – his nickname was The Schnoz, after all.

Jimmy Durante, nose, body part

Whether I was born with this Super-Sniffer (for all you Psych fans, out there) or it was my environment that caused it, I can’t be sure. Lord knows I was smacked on this body part so many times from the time I was born until my early 40’s. Mainly from all the hits, and being hit, in sports.

Regardless of how it came to be, I’ve been saddled with nose nicknames since that fun time known as “Junior High School.”

Here are some, um, memorable monikers my classmates gave me:

– Mona-nose – cute and so original, since ‘Mona-‘ as a prefix went with EVERYTHING. Some examples: Mona-Geek, Mona-Hand, Mona-Tone. See what I mean.

– The Schnoz – unfortunately, Happy Days was popular and this was “haha funny,” like The Fonz.
– The Beak
– Toucan Sam
– from Froot Loops cereal fame. Thank you, Sam!
– Hook – for the hook nose. Broken one too many times.
– Honker – maybe it was a little bulbous. :)


Women tend to be quoted most often about what they feel about specific body parts:

“Are my boobs too big/too small?
“This dress makes my hips look too big.”
“Oh, I never wear horizontal stripes – they make me look bigger.”
“Look how long her eyelashes are. Aren’t they beautiful.”
“I wish my legs looked like hers.”

These are just a few of the statements I’ve heard growing up with four sisters, being married for 20+ years, and raising a daughter. I’m sure some are popping into your head right now, like the dice in that little bubble in that old game, “Trouble!”


Oh, what the heck – I’m insecure, so I have to ask:

Does this blog make my nose look big??

Proboscis monkey, body part, nose

Well, does it??

After all, size DOES matter, right?


Have you ever had a body part, or parts, that you would like to change?


  1. Your nose is not humongous. It adds character. :)

    At the moment, I just don’t like how my body is changing, settling firmly into middle age. I liked having a waist.

  2. I have a big schnoz too. Like Andra says, character! To top it off, mine has bump on the right from surgery when I was not even 2. That left a scar right on the bridge that gathers freckles like a rain barrel gathers dead flies. So, big nose, bony bump, scar, brown line of freckles over scar. Yup, character baby…

    • Yep, Julie, that’s a ton of character as well. Love your expression about a rain barrel.

      I have several bumps and scars as well. We’ll just have to live with it, won’t we?

  3. Judy Berman says:

    Like you, Michael, my least favorite part is my nose. I always wanted one of cute, perky little noses that are adorable. Alas! It is not to be … and, I’ve just learned to live with it.
    You, however, have a tendency for hyperbole. Your nose is not huge. How do I know? Your nose neatly tucks into that coffee cup.

    • There you go again, Judy, throwing out those math terms. Oh wait, that’s hyperbola. Never mind. (Rosanne Rosanna Danna).

      And it’s only because it’s a HUGE mug, my friend!

  4. Hey, Pinocchio…um….I mean MJ… I think the old saying, we’re our own worst critics might be coming into play here. You forget we got to see your senior picture, full profile. Your nose is just fine. I’m guessing you picked up the nicknames because of how you view it. People picked up on it and…the rest is history. :)

    • Well, Pinocchio is another one I heard. Forgot about that one. :)

      Seriously, it’s a big one. The photog must have doctored the senior picture. I do appreciate your positive spin on it, but it is what it is. :)

      • Well, Pinocchio was a joke…kind of like me calling my son four-eyes when he got glasses (obviously I wear glasses).

        Anyway, I don’t think it’s as big as you think it is. But just in case…try not to hang upside down on a tree limb in a rain storm, okay? :)

        • I was with you KK. :)

          I wear glasses also, and did the same thing with my kids when they got glasses.

          And just so you know, I only hung upside down in a rainstorm once! Won’t do that again! JK hehe

          • LOL!

            Glad someone understands the four-eyes thing. Some people thought I was just terrible for saying it. But I figured if the four-eyed ‘Mom’ was saying it, he would think it was cool.

            Of course the older he gets, the less cool I am…

  5. Mike- There is nothing wrong with your nose!!!!!

    For me, lately, my least fave body part has been my upper arms. I only recently noticed that it is impossible to stand in a photo naturally where they don’t look like those car wash apparati that hang from the ceiling and slosh water on the windshield- amorphous blobs. I’ve been working out and it seems to help but, photoshop and cropping also helps. :)

    • Thank you, Tricia.

      Yeah, many women complain about the upper arms. I’ve heard MANY of those complaints:
      “My arms look like sausages.”
      “Look at the skin hanging down when I do this.” *lifts arms parallel to the ground*

      I love your description. Too funny, my friend. And photoshopping … :)

  6. sunshine says:

    ewww, poor monkey with that awful nose…but, toes would be the place i would immediately go to have them redone to look absolutely smashing when wearing the classic summer sandals with the fab bling, oh, i mean jewels, glued to the straps.
    oh, so you were really little red riding hoods grammy with the big nose. the mystery has been solved!

  7. I’ve been waiting to see where this post was going after the mishap. I can relate to hating your nose. When I was in high school we were in the woods in the dark listening to a band at the nearby outdoor amphitheater. I walked up with my friend and overheard a guy we knew say, “oh, there’s Lauren with the big boobs and Laura with the big nose.” Keep in mind it was dark, and he could see my nose- haha! Luckily I can laugh about it now, but I certainly would have preferred to be referred as the one with the big boobs. 😉

    • oh, by the way… one of my nicknames by 1 guy who had a HUGE nose was mogul ski jump (the mogul being the bump on my nose.) I actually think he had a crush on me. Ha!

      • There’s no doubt the dude like you. That was my method of dealing with my crushes in Jr High and HS – call them names, tease them, etc. Oh shoot, I’m still doing that with MLB after 20+ years. :)

        You did dredge up Ski Slope, for me, as well. That was another nickname I had. Just gives us character, right??

  8. I have a tiny nose and spent my childhood having the damn thing tweaked by everyone who thought they were incredibly clever pretending to steal my nose …

    I would like to have my old neck back, if you’re taking orders. Lose the waddle.

    • You must have got the old, “Cute as a button,” a lot, eh?

      It’s interesting how we focus on something we don’t like as we get older. It’s fascinating how differently people feel about which part it is. I have heard women, and even a few men complain about their necks (men, mainly who were in sports, and now have that thick neck still).

  9. >You see, I have a proboscis that makes Jimmy Durante’s look normal
    – You do? I know what you mean.

    When we get teased about something, we tend to believe our peers or siblings. Like some of the other commenters, I hadn’t noticed your nose before. Therefore, like YLB, I’m afraid I can’t say your character is enhanced in any way. 😉

    >Have you ever had a body part, or parts, that you would like to change?
    – Yes. When I got teased with ‘Our Lady of Bones’, I used to wish my wrists, forearms and shoulders were, uh, better padded. (The rest of my being was just as ‘bony’, but for whatever reason, I noticed only my wrists, forearms and shoulders.) That was between the ages of 10-12 when I was just becoming aware of my body, I think.

    Before and after those years, I laughed along with those who teased me because they were inconsistent [which is why I lapped up the attention when they did chant. :-) ] and I did not sense any malice in the name calling. Besides, I got more recognition for my other achievements in and out of school.

    Today, do I *still* wish my wrists, forearms and shoulders were better padded?

    *too busy NOT fretting and sweating in a gym to answer that*

    Yup, I can be quite a smug female-dog sometimes. :-)


    P.S. : The switch to blue in your Theme is nice. To match the cloudless blue skies out there perhaps?

    • So you’ve gotten some of those nose “comments” as well, Kate?

      Funny, I had the same issue with boniness in Jr High when I was being hit in the shoulder and arms by other guys. Why they always feel like they have to be hitting someone, I never understood. “Guy code” maybe??

      Nice that you’ve kept the thinness. I have to some degree, but not in the, um, stomach area. Though I have it under better control now than in previous years. I can’t and don’t eat like I used to.

      “… quite a smug female-dog sometimes.” hehehe

      Thanks for noticing the blue theme. I was tiring of the orange, and actually I like the blue better. Maybe it was subconscious about the blue skies. You could be right, my friend.

  10. Hm…well, I hate my nose. It’s turned up at the end, looks like a ski jump like Bob Hope’s. I call it a ‘piggy’ nose. Kids made fun of me, too. (aren’t kids great?) When I saw my daughter for the first time on my 3D ultrasound, the first thing I noticed was that she had my exact nose! Poor girl!

    PS I never noticed your nose before, MJ, seriously.

    • D, I TOTALLY understand that. MLB has that exact same nose! Turned up at the end. So cute that your daughter’s ultrasound showed the same thing. I actually think that’s a great nose for a girl/woman. It’s cute on MLB.

      Have I ever teased her about that?? Okay, yes, maybe I have. :) But it’s always in love, never in maliciousness.

      And I appreciate the comment about my nose, but … Someday I’ll post the profile shot and you’ll see why “Toucan” was coined. One of those self-humiliation days. You know what I mean. hehe

  11. My nose is pretty flat, which is probably the only reason I haven’t broken it, yet. I have bad coordination and horrible vision, but was also a competitive athlete for a number of years, which means I fell onto, into and over things (and people) A LOT. There are no parts of me I haven’t bruised, and no joints I haven’t sprained. So, really, I guess that’s the only thing I would change. I am a chick, so issues like thigh-rub and belly-flab do cross my mind, from time to time. But it would be SO awesome to have eyes that work all the time :-)

    • Oh boy, Desi, that’s rough as an athlete to have vision issues. I was very blessed in the vision and coordination areas. My vision was 20-15 – and still is, with glasses. And fortunately, pretty decent coordination into my 50’s. But I knew many great athletes with vision and coordination issues. One was an All-American HS runner. He took some nasty falls in the steeplechase in what is it, the 3,000 meters, I think?

  12. Hmmm, I don’t remember your nose being big and I sat across from you for several hours. It’s a shame you were teased and are self-conscious about your nose now. It’s not one body part that makes a person, it’s all of the wiggly bits put together that make us whole and therefore unique.

    • Very sweet of you to say Tameri. Thankfully you did sit ACROSS from me, and didn’t get the side view. :)

      And I love your spin on uniqueness – that truly is what makes us who we are. You always have such a great perspective. One of the things I love about your character.

  13. I’m with Darla, I never noticed your nose, MJ! Well, I guess now I think the plaid pattern and ceramic-seeming texture are a bit odd, but…

    I’m self-conscious about weight, like your sisters, and my giant, giant pupils. And I dare not go on or I will max out the character limit on this comment box!

    • P.S. – I’m glad this post made it safely into the blogosphere, ha!

    • I hide it well, don’t I?

      I get the weight thing. It’s so difficult for so many people and gets harder as you get older. I didn’t realize you had students who are giants. Oh, not those kind of giant pupils?? hehe

      I think you have perfectly normal pupils, in all seriousness.

      Thanks for the tech-challenged FAIL reminder. I was just getting over the nightmares, and now … they start again. :)

  14. Do I have to pick one least favorite? I’m not sure which I don’t like more: my tummy or my feet. OH MY GOSH! Does feet count as 2?!?!

  15. I’m not sure why, but I burst out in laughter over “The Beak”!! Ha ha ha!! I guess I have always been self-conscious about my “manly”, working hands. How I longed for the beautiful lady fingers and delicate skin on my friend’s hands. I had rough, calloused, wrinkled and tanned hands. They boasted FARM GIRL…

    My Sissy Jo, in Dallas, recently surprised me with a delightful day at the PURE Spa in Dallas, where I was treated to a manicure and pedicure. Ah, the luxury… my toes were painted with a striking pink to compliment my tanned feet and legs. But on the manicure the oriental tech stated, “Oh, we no put polish on dose fingas. They too masculine. We just do trim and buff. We call you jungle girl. You have jungle hands.” You know… I wasn’t offended. I kind of like that. Sounds kick-ass if you ask me!!

    • Your spa story would have made a great post, Lori. And you have such a great way of telling a story. I can totally understand feeling complimented by the mani-pedi tech. You’ve earned your stripes like any farm girl warrior. You should be proud! And the fact that you have that “Bugeater” emblazoned on your back doesn’t hurt, either. :)

  16. I had never noticed your nose before, MJ. I tend to think larger noses are more distinguished, anyway, and most of my childhood crushes (Bono from U2, Dave Gahan from Depeche Mode, Ewen McGregor, and Viggo Mortensen) all seem to have larger-than-average noses, too. Meh.

    I used to be extremely self-conscious about the gap in between my front teeth, but now I actually love my teeth and appreciate their non-cookie-cutter style. Maybe one day, your nose will be a part of you that you cherish as something uniquely “MJ”. :)

    • More distinguished – EXACTLY what MLB says she likes about it. Some of her favorites also have big noses.

      I happen to be a fan of the gap in between front teeth, so I totally agree. hehe

  17. Hey its the nosey for me as well! I’m actually experimenting with make-up at the moment-blending and contouring, to get it to look thinner. Not sure if its working though. The BF thinks I’m crazy.

    Ps. I’ve never noticed your nose before. It doesn’t look big to me….

    • Ha, that’s interesting that you’re using makeup on yours. I think your nose looks perfectly normal and feminine with your face. You have no worries, my friend!

Love to hear from you.

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